The Mafia Gazette Issue 168
For All The News That Is News (E&OE)
Sunday 14th October


STAND BY YOUR MAN: LA BOSS KILLED IN FINAL SHOOTOUT
By Mark-Reid

The late morning and early afternoon of October 10th had it all. Running street battles. Bodyguards dying by the dozen. Claims and counter-claims concerning rogue agents, double-dealing and both sides taking the line that they were in the right over this dispute. Regardless of who was right or wrong, or if such terms can even be applied to the sordid Underworld, the facts remained that by early lunch-time one family stood strong and one had fallen, decapitated after a ferocious battle that after the fact will have earned LA Boss and American Cocaine Kingpin Zoolander as much respect in death as he was afforded in life.

The starting point itself is the subject of much dispute and speculation. Just a day after the previous published edition of the Mafia Gazette, EllisHobbs stepped forth to register his displeasure with an article that portrayed him as public enemy number one. On the contrary, Hobbs countered this suggestion by specifically stating that his actions in killing New York Made Man Pudge were purely done so with the defense of his family in mind.While the facts were disputed by New York who maintained that Hobbs was totally out of line in killing Pudge, Hobbs continued to call New York out as the aggressors in the situation. This was an early test for Zoolander as he had just moved to LA having previously served Conceptualist Boss CharlestonCharlie. Any belief that Zoolander would serve up his Made Man Hobbs as a sacrificial lamb at the altar of the Conceptualists was swiftly dissipated by his own appearance in the speech of his subordinate.

The LA Boss spoke eloquently and for a long time but by the end of his street appearance there was no doubt that his colours were nailed firmly to the mast. He did not appear to indicate that he would kill EllisHobbs. He certainly didn't agree with the Gazette or New York in their respective beliefs that Hobbs might be a rogue. He acknowledged that the situation was unfortunate, but he was standing by his man even if he didn't agree with how it was handled. And thus began his troubles with New York.

Of course his decision was made somewhat easier by a number of factors. On the one hand, Hobbs was now a citizen, having taken a fortuitous rap sheet offer from a corrupt LA Police Captain. As citizen there was no rush on the Hobbs situation. New York could wait until he'd ranked before taking their bloody revenge and as such, Zoolander could keep in touch with his subordinate and not commit to aiding him in any way. But for his words on the streets, it might have been thought that the LA Boss was not committed in any way to the affair at all.

On the other hand, New York wasn't the force it was when WarwickHunt and CharlestonCharlie were at the helm. At this point they had direct ownership of three cities and many more under the shadow of their influence. With both dead and then Pudge, New York was in need of the highly-ranked heavy hitters that traditionally do the damage when it comes to the business end of disputes. And it didn't have them. At least one source that spoke to the Gazette under the condition of anonymity said that a full-on LA assault on New York was under serious consideration at the highest levels of the LA family. Another source said that it was considered that the city could actually be captured.

EllisHobbs for his part was hanging around New York disguised as a citizen, while Conceptualist members mugged and attempted to mug and harass him at every turn. The alleged LA plot plan hinged on one factor. Miami. With Faustino now as their skipper instead of Emiliano_Cortez, Miami's position in a war with New York could not now be taken for granted. It was believed that Cortez would have been more of an unknown factor where Faustino was not. Direct intervention by Cortez in a dispute between LA and New York might have returned odds of 50/50. With Faustino these odds were believed to shorten considerably and this played on the minds of the LA plotters. The problem of New York would have to be addressed, but how to do it?

In the meantime, New York had some plans of their own. The contract to whack out Hobbs had been given to CharlesCarter and JackStruan as two of their few high-ranks and indeed shots were rumoured to have been exchanged between Carter and Hobbs before the latter took one of a number of rap sheets. When Hobbs was ranked again, Carter and Struan travelled to LA and lay in wait. Hobbs wasn't buying it and various tip-offs led him to lay low until the danger had passed. Carter and Struan waited but Hobbs didn't appear.An emmisary of the LA family was sent to establish why they were in the city. The answer given was to tour some of their illegal establishments and ensure everything was running right. LA is quite a distance from New York and so such an excuse was plausible but not ultimately believed by the LA family. When Hobbs didn't show, Struan and Carter made themselves scarce, determined to wait it out. And some hours later, Hobbs appeared openly ranked on the streets. Struan was ready but Carter couldn't be contacted. JackStruan went for it anyway, determined to restore honour to the Conceptualists and avenge the death of one of the greatest leaders they ever had.

With revenge in his heart, he emerged from a darkened alley way and began firing shots at Hobbs. The element of surprise was not enough however and his first few shots simply hit close. Close but not enough. Hobbs meanwhile, was buoyed by the funds to secure the services of a number of expensive bodyguards, leading to speculation that Zoolander's support of his family members was now in cash as well as words. Either that or he'd had an excellent few days at the track as citizen. Hobbs returned fire, killing the Conceptualist Made Man with relative ease. Although he'd survived this assassination attempt, it was also known that the hitman had went in on his own and without backup. Hobbs was alive but New York had sent him a message. We'll get you whatever the cost. LA in turn sent a message back to New York as someone shot down New York Goomba BennyTheTurk in Dallas.

Questions were now being asked and LA Capo The-Joker was suspected as the triggerman. CharlesCarter didn't follow up on the Hobbs hit however. As LA kept a careful watch on him, he laid off, leading LA to speculate that he was waiting on some of the more traditional Conceptualist guns to rank high. The silent but ferocious Grave along with KingGrimey and Buckett_Face were all hanging around with a few lower rankers, getting stronger. When strong enough, LA was in no doubt that they'd make their move. GST was anchoring the New York ranks capably with a loose and easy style that was going to churn out Made Men.

Hobbs continued to harass Conceptualist low-rankers himself from citizen, but things were going to come to a head faster than anyone anticipated. Early morning October 9th, the Conceptualists are believed to have casually rubbed out LA Goomba Southern_Belle in Dallas. A goomba for a goomba. By 9pm on the evening of October 9th, Hobbs was reputed to have shot at a low-ranking Conceptualist. Five minutes later and as if from nowhere, Miami hoodlum Inkje began dropping LA Wise Guys with a ferocious and deadly burst of fire on South Coast Lieutenant Palladino's turf in Atlanta. First to fall was Wise Guy Captain_Obvious who never saw it coming. LA Wise Guys JackMcCoy and Emerica were next, in between some bodyguards. LA was under attack. As those from the family scrambled to hit their attacker, Inkje apparently died of his wounds in Atlanta, appearing in the obituaries.

Some in the LA family suspected the accountant. They also suspected Conceptualist involvement. Among these accusations were that New York had somehow funded the accountant or else been on hand to collect the enforcer's belongings in preparation for his eventual return. Whatever the circumstances, Inkje was unofficially down and so no longer a factor in terms of a retaliation. LA Made Man Seven decided to solve this problem by immediately going on the offensive against Miami. Breaching the Miami lockdown, Seven shot and killed Atlanta Made Revered and Miami Capo EvaLombardi, both dying just three minutes apart.

Whatever had gone on before, there was little doubt that it was now a war between Miami and LA. Juanita, Juan, Albert, Faustino, Frank_Twofingers and other high-rankers are presumed to have held a brief council of war. LA Made Man DickDastardly was the first to fall, stabbed to death in the Chicago jail where he was residing after being picked up on a robbery charge. For whatever reason the fight carried to Dallas and the Miami big guns moved in. The two main LA threats, EllisHobbs and Seven, engaged the Miami heavies. Amid the smoke and the gunfire, dead and dying bodyguards littered the streets. Seven was eventually gunned down, calling out to his family that in the carnage Faustino had been hit and wounded with his condition was unknown. Four minutes later and the EllisHobbs was finally finished off, dying on a street corner in a hail of bullets.

Within the next hour, Zoolander emerged to carry the fight. Rather than hold off or fight another time, the LA Boss used the proceeds of a life-time of crime and phenomenal success in the New York cocaine market to buy up hired muscle and the fight began. Up to a dozen people are believed to have particpated in this last stand and Miami leader Faustino was again wounded, this time after being shanked in jail. New York Made Man Buckett_Face was also have believed to have purchased a ticket to the gun show and was out in force aiding the fight against the LA Boss. After a battle outside the LA HQ that saw at least 14 more bodyguards fall dead, Zoolander was finally hit in the head and fatally wounded. In the hours after his death, the leadership of the LA family is presumed to have carried to Capo The-Joker, who was then shot dead in LA himself along with LA Made Man Fergie, finally bringing an end to the war. Former LA Wise Guy and now hoodlum Carousel mounted a last assault in Miami, dying alongside two bodyguards as he attempted to assassinate Faustino in a last and desperate act of futility.

In truth the casualties were a lot more one-sided than anyone could have predicted. Zoolander built his LA empire on a mountain of Cocaine and cash and was slowly building an enclave out on the west coast. With Ezio beside him in Las Vegas and the travel times involved from the east to west coast, he was close to being insulated from his problems behind a number of capable members, many of whom were close to joining the Mafia and becoming Made. The loss of three Wise Guys in the initial assault was a blow from which Zoolander never really recovered as his members were taken out one by one in a staggered fashion. When it came time to meet his end, he did so with relavtive dignity. He hadn't made the read on a possible assault from an apparent Miami hitter and hadn't been around to give his final word on the response. With no apparent contingency plan for an assault on their family, the response was instead chosen by Seven and this by and large sealed LA's fate.

And what of Inkje? The sons and daughters of LA maintain that he was a rogue from Miami and as such should have been killed. Miami argue that the war began when Seven targeted their members. The Capo EvaLombardi would have been a front-runner to take on and become Boss of a city in this latest round of auths. Miami has felt her loss. So too Revered, a sturdy Made Man under Palladino. Miami can say that even if Inkje was a rogue, once Seven responded as she did, all bets were off.

The Gazette caught up with Miami ranker Frank_Twofingers for a quick chat to ask about this, asking for any comment on the recent war between Miami and LA. Frank responded saying:

"It's a shame that seven decided to come to Miami and take matters into her own hands. If she would of waited this whole war cold of been prevented. However she felt she needed to take matters into her own hands." When pressed asked if it was true that Miami members killed CharlesCarter for no legitimate reason, Frank responded saying:

"I have no comment as of right now."

With so many complex issues and Omerta more or less a constant and indeed on the receiving end of a morale boost from the corrupt and decadent former Gazette Editor Randle_McMurphy, it's hard to see all the angles.

Inkje for his part was an entirely unknown quantity. Some report him as an ancestor of an old west coast name who turned on his erstwhile allies and exposed their plans to attack New York. Others see him simply as a rogue and others have suggested that its never been made clear if he was an official member of Miami. In a further bombshell, a very late night phone call to the Gazette called the editors to a secret meeting. At this meeting, an east coast mobster who requested to remain nameless called into question if Inkje could ever be called a rogue and claimed that Faustino was in fact aware of his actions the entire time. This mobster also claimed that while Inkje was lighting up LA members in Atlanta, Faustino was getting drunk with a few close minions and laughing as the kills appeared on the board. The parallel with Nero dancing as Rome burned is an easy one to make, but the truth of these claims is hard to establish. Faustino has yet to publically comment on all that has occurred with LA and why the Miami hoodlum who started firing on Zoolander's members subsequently took out Conceptualist and Green Mill Lounge Capo CharlesCarter, an immediate source of embarassment to the Miami Boss. This is put down to extended stays in the old country for which he is apologetic, but we're told something will emerge about what happened with Carter at least.

Faustino's enemies decry him as a puppet leader, a man who lost his speech writer when his Captain EvalOmbardi was killed. A man who is rarely around and who takes only a passing interest in his Miami obligations in favour of his New York membership. A fact that was further illustrated by the disillusionment of long-serving Miami Capo Vincent with his leadership. Although a self-proclaimed Capo di Tutti Capi, he was away for a long period of time. This in itself lead to arguments as to who did more for the All Stars, Emiliano_Cortez or Faustino. These arguments divided opinion but it's also agreed that Faustino founded the All Stars. Without him, it's generally agreed they may not have formed and then survived. New York's relationship with Miami remains a curiousity. Given the high standards the Conceptualists hold for all members of scoiety, it's hard to see how a non-Conceptualist leader would have lasted so long in Miami. As one source put it: "Without Faustino or a reasonable guy like Cortez at the wheel, Miami probably would have been stamped on already."

But for all the talk against Faustino, there are many more who favour his leadership. He is a strong leader. When his family was attacked, he destroyed LA without losing any members that hadn't already been killed in the initial assault. People are still queing up to join the All Stars, his tributes have gone up, his lockdown is as strong as ever and he has a number of very capable and very strong captains at his disposal, including Juan and Juanita. He has many, many ranks, remains in control of Atlanta and is probably as close to a Commission head right now as can be seen. Some suggest this role is shared along with the consummate mob statesman Ezio who has already laid out the plans for the Underworld in his state of the nation address. Whereas Ezio of We The People runs one of the most powerful families in the US as the successor to WarwickHunt, Faustino runs the All Stars another of the most powerful families in the US as founder and then successor to Emiliano_Cortez. And the South East Dynasty hasn't really skipped a beat.

Ezio provides the polish, the grand addresses and the street activity from his western base, while Faustino provides the muscle and the direct and more behind the scenes style of leadership.The two will have a large say in who steps up to join them at the big table. At least four cities potentially need filled, which could mean as many as four auths. Ezio has made very clear that they won't tolerate people approaching them. Instead successful candidates will be made aware of their promotion from the Bosses. Some lament the lack of potential, suggesting that the great and the good have already died or retired. Mobsters are trying to guess who'll step up and names vary. Vegas Captains Puck, Temperance, Saul_Battaglia, Stefania-Graziano and Rick-Deckard could all be in the frame. In Miami, it could be Juanita, Juan, Albert or many of the various other ranks that anchor the coast. Or it could be a candiate from New York or Detroit. TheShredder has also been seen a lot lately and could be a candidate for Chicago. Miami are more clannish and many of their high ranks may not wish to up their work-load so significantly with an auth. There's also the issue of whoever steps up endangering their own lives. Dallas Capo Blackspot, the new man to step into the breach in Dallas, lasted a spectacularly unsuccessful fifteen minutes before being shot in the face as he returned to his Dallas HQ after making a polished speech. The existing families will create new families, but how will fill them? Only time will answer these questions.



CHICAGO CAPO SLAIN IN BLOODY AMBUSH
By Terry_Holt

It was simply down to a series of unpredictable and ultimately tragic events, occurring late in the evening of October 10th, that brought the curtain down on an unusually long mob career as Chicago Capo CharlesCarter was shot dead in the street, the victim of a well-coordinated ambush.

It all began around ten minutes after 10pm as Miami Wise Guy Machine-Gun-Kelly was shot and killed by an unknown gunman as he left a corner store with a bag that contained what police later confirmed as the proceeeds of a robbery from the very same store. He'd ran some eighty yards when a deadly series of shots from a yet-to-be-determined location sent the Wise Guy up in the air and onto his back while stolen bills fluttered from the bag he'd dropped upon being shot like seagulls carried along on a warm coastal wind. As he lay dying on the pavement, the appearance of the bills sparked a melee as Chicago's homeless surrounded his prone form and began searching the bag and indeed his pockets wtth gusto, being dispersed only when an off-duty police officer charged them while armed only with his service weapon and the anger that four hours drinking whiskey in a local Speakeasy can elicit from an underpaid public guardian.

With his long serving machine gun by his side, Machine-Gun-Kelly finally expired at 10:12pm, drawing his last breath while watched by a crowd of onlookers that included two of Miami's own, hoodlum and heavy hitter Inkje and Wise Guy Scarface_Junior. It was at this point that a tragic miscalculation occurred as the two immediately left the scene in a large black car and within 5 minutes were recognised by a member of the public, several blocks away and while making a few phone calls from a telephone box beside Rusty's Ice Cream parlour.

For an organisation as large as Miami there was absolutely no chance that they would take the death of one of their own Wise Guys lying down. Under the leadership of Don Emiliano_Cortez and now Consigliere Faustino they've earned the reputation of solid efficiency in terms of the lockdown they've imposed and enforced on Miami and it's presumed that the Miami duo of Inkje and Scareface_Junior were making phone calls to get a handle on who else was in the locality, followed by permission to immediately retaliate. The eye witness accounts of them at the phone booth would no-doubt have been useful to law enforcement in the event of a future trial, but the night's unpredictable events were destined to take a few more dramatic twists that would make a trial impossible.

With Faustino absent, it was presumed that such a request would go up the ladder to one of the Miami Sotto Capo's, possibly Juanita or Juan. Albert was also a distinct possibility. Sources from Miami indicate that none of them were reached by phone but something else was established by the duo. They reckoned on aging Chicago Capo CharlesCarter being the shooter. How they came by this is information unknown, but events as they would later transpire indicated that they jumped the gun with this particular assumption. Some days later a senior member of the Miami crime family was overheard in the family-run Sports Book in Miami indicating that: "they fucked up.."

Having pinned the murder of Machine-Gun-Kelly on the Chicago Boss of the Green Mill Lounge, the two hapless hitmen immediately cruised the streets of Chicago in their black car, scanning the side streets for any sign of Carter. It was at this point that he was spotted, himself leaving a corner store but allegedly carrying nothing more criminal than a Hershey bar and a can of his favourite soda. The two parked their car, got out and walked along behind him, increasing their speed to catch up with him. As they drew closer, the two withdrew pistols from their trenchcoats and shot the Chicago Capo and crew leader in the back. With detectives in Chicago Police Department still waiting to hear back from their Ballistics department, it remains unknown if CharlesCarter got a shot off at the end, but what is known is that the fatal shot was fired by Scarface_Junior. In normal circumstances an assignment give to two unmade associates to kill a Mafia Captain would be an extremely prestigious notch on their respective gunbelts, but as death took him, Carter spoke barely audibly, saying:

"Entirely unnecessary. Shot for a crime I did not commit. What a way to end. Inkje, I do not know why you so hastily jumped to conclusions but I had no business with Machine-Gun-Kelly and never harmed him in any way."

At this point Carter drew his last breath. Whether his words had any impact on the two Miami hitmen or gave them any hint as to their mistake was unknown. Inkje was known as a ruthless killer for his relatively young age and the deaths of at least three LA Wise Guys were attributable to him, along with some twenty or thirty other victims. The war with LA had brought out the best in his ferocious nature and although not necessarily respected for his judgement, his fierce phsyical power and skill in the business of murder were qualities that all denizens of the Underworld can learn to respect. For his part, Scarface_Junior was no pushover and chief among his attributes were his strength and loyalty to his Bosses in Miami. But for all their value to the All Stars, there was no doubt that they'd made a grave error in judgement that was bound to have fatal consequences.

For all the abuse that CharlesCarter, JoeyCusack and the late JackStruan would often be seen accepting with smiles, grimaces or shouted anger, they accepted as good-natured. Carter was respected. More importantly, he had friends. He was a Conceptualist and shared membership of the New York killers with the Boss of Miami, Faustino. known to his friends as Rabbit, which the Gazette is told is either due to his uncanncy resemblance to a rabbit or alternatively the lucky rabbit's foot that he carried in his jacket pocket, CharlesCarter was a family leader and an elderly but important Capo. It's known that after his death, several Conceptualists made their unhappiness with certain Miami members known immediately, some in their coffeeshop and some at Carter's funeral. The New York issues with LA had now ended.

With Zoolander dead, the war between Miami and LA was over, a fact that suited New York. The beef with LA was squashed along with the Good-Looking family, things were good and some of the Miami hitters had acquitted themselves extremely efficiently, a fact that can't have been gone unnoticed in New York and the Underworld as a whole. But now this murder was one too many, like an elderly uncle who won't leave the birthday party having drank too much wine. It was hangover time. And what was to be done?

It was at this point that fate reared it's head and settled all accounts. Whether by chance, luck or Karma, Dallas Capo Johnnie-Walker stumbled upon the scene of Carter's murder. Although rarely to be seen on the streets due to only periodic visits since his apparent retirement, the Dallas mobster and one-time family leader left a local grocery store just in time to see Carter shot down in a case of mistake identity. What wasn't known by the Miami hitters and couldn't have been predicted by anyone who witnessed it was that Walker and Carter had developed something of a friendship going back to when Carter worked for Atlanta Boss Morrigan. At that time Johnnie-Walker was petitioning leaders to get a shot at running Dallas while CharlesCarter was a buffer between such a request and his Boss Morrigan. Although never in the same family, the two aging Capos apparently got on well enough that they kept in sporadic contact, be it the occasional game of pool or cards.

The sight of CharlesCarter dead for mistake reasons was apparently too much for Johnnie-Walker, who immediately opened fire on the hoodlum Inkje in an act of vengeance, almost killing one of his bodyguards. Inkje promply fled the city of Chicago for the safety of the Miami lockdown but Johnnie-Walker followed. As Inkje demanded to know why he had shot at him, Walker elected to ignore the question and instead cooly fired a single shot into his head, killing him instantly. With Inkje dead and his murderous run at an end, Walker waited in the city, presumably for the next train and seemingly unaware of the Miami lockdown and the fact that the man who fired the fatal shot into CharlesCarter was still at large and fixing his eye upon the vengeful Dallas Capo. While in the city Walker also shot and killed a suicidal gangster named Rev, receiving his thanks in his dying words.Just two minutes later and Scarface_Junior emerged from the shadows and made his move as he shot and wounded Johnnie-Walker who apparently hadn't been aware at all of the presence of a second gunman. Walker returned fire, badly wounding Scarface_Junior and killing him in self-defense when the Miami Wise Guy shot again. Having received the thanks of Parker, the son of CharlesCarter, Johnnie-Walker left the city of Miami, bringing the murderous events of the day to a close but only after the deaths of two Wise Guys, a Capo and a heavy hitting hoodlum. Senior sources in Miami are apparently not especially pleased that Walker killed their two hitters in their own city, but also acknowledge that this did their job for them and that the two would always have had to pay with their lives for the mistake they made.

With this in mind and combined with a strong intercession to Faustino on Walker's behalf from CharlesCarter's son, it's not anticipated that the actions of the Dallas Capo will cause any lasting friction between himself and Miami. But the interesting question remains that with the two Miami hitters eliminated for their actions, Carter in the Graveyard and Walker in the old country, who fired the fatal shot that killed Machine-Gun-Kelly? In the absence of any further information, the real killer and the one who started this deadly chain of events is still at large.



FAMILY STRIFE: INTERNAL WARS WRACK DETROIT AND MIAMI
By JJ-Jameson

With the very large mob war having broken out between Miami and LA, it seemed that at least some of the families were simply having trouble coexisting in matters of business. At a time when no one family stands out above the others, this latest war for power and control of the nation was unpredictable in its beginning. But yet it should also have been expected. No one is officially top dog yet. And as long as no one family or leader is officially head of the Commission, paranoid and suspicion are bound to be rife. The many deaths associated with the LA/Miami war also served as a very large distraction to some smaller events that may even have gone unnoticed but for the diligence of our reporters, two of which involved both Miami and Detroit.

Detroit, once the fiefdom of the powerhouse Conceptualist and Black Bottom Crew Boss CharlestonCharlie, is now being run by his hand-picked successor, rumoured Mafia Capo JoeyCusack. Cusack was apparently chosen over one-time Dallas and later Detroit mobster, the late Zoolander. With Cusack given the nod in the motor city, Zoolander went west taking his newly formed RRRGL crew with him.

Detroit under Cusack has been relatively quiet. Cusack, though a well-known member of the community and with a seat on the Commission, hasn't been making any moves to expand his profile. With the state of the Nation address by mob statesman Ezio ensuring that the existing families will spread out their numbers to take the unoccupied cities, presumably including Denver, Dallas, LA and Chicago, JoeyCusack may well have a say in what happens here. Indeed one of the new Bosses may emerge from his own family. And with Detroit one of many potential factors in the new auths, the neutral observer can only look at the families inner-workings with concern.

On the negative side, some among the Detroit family are clearly wild men who in some cases have needed to be reigned in. On the positive side, discipline has in Detroit has been swift and hard. Justice Jenkins called by the Gazette offices several days ago to provide his own grandiose insight into some of the troubles that have occurred there recently.



A DETROIT NARRATIVE
By Justice Jenkins

In recent Detroit news, prominently known and respected made man Moldy lays juxtaposed on the city's streets. It was only mid-afternoon when the coupled gunshots echoed throughout the streets, and only a few minutes later before coroners were cleaning up the bloody scene. Although the citizens of Detroit demand an explanation, the motive remains unclear.

Notorious wise guy and apparently seethed member of the Black Bottom Crew shot twice, and those two shots could quite potentially ring for eternity.

The funeral of made man Moldy yielded a very respectable population. Some sources question the relationship held between Moldy and respected figures such as EllisHobbs of RRRGL, Blackspot, and KingGrimey of the Conceptualists. Inside informants suggest there may have been some sort of diplomacy held between the figures of the various families. Moldy's funeral was more like a cacophany of argumentative voices battling over the controversies surrounding his death than a funeral. The service finally ended in the wee hours of morning with everyone peacefully going their own ways.

Considering the victim and the assailant were both considered to be familial to the Black Bottom Crew outsiders question how the matter will be handled. A majority of the eye-witnesses revealed the showdown to be over a waste of ammunition on Moldy's part. Several other eye-witnesses say the death of Moldy might have been completely random. Our sources show that this was not an act of randomness, and was in fact, over a waste of ammunition.

Although the evidence on the scene suggests that Morty committed the crime, he has yet to be incriminated by Detroit's judicial system. Most people think the problem will be solved within the family, as it is a family oriented problem, but friends and associates of Moldy suggest otherwise. If something good come's from everything bad, citizens of Detroit and members of the Black Bottom Crew are growing impatient as they grieve and await the reconciliation of Morty.



With Detroit Made Men Moldy and Vito-Rizzuto later downed as part of the one beef, the

Gazette turned to Turbo Machine to provide more info.





DAYS OF OUR MAFIA LIVES: MORTY, RIZZUTO AND RICK.
by Turbo Machine

It was a fateful evening on the cold autumn night of October 7th. A couple of friends were having a discussion, when an old vendetta came up. The Butcher and Wu Tang were discussing business with Detroit Made soldier Vito Rizzuto and had requested the death of a certain Mr. Morty, a Wise Guy in the same Detroit outfit.

Morty had killed their old friend and Detroit Made Man Moldy, and had tried to kill Wu Tang as well, so it was decided that he must be punished in the only way fit. Meanwhile, Morty had decided to take a shot at Slick_Rick, who shot back, dealing the poor man a nearly fatal injury. Vito had taken the final shot, killing the old friend. He formally apologized at his funeral, admitting to the deed.

Soon afterwards, however, Vito was found dead, a bullet to the neck. I had stumbled upon his bloody, mangled body on my way to work, and before he died, he coughed up a last sentence expressing his disappointment in the community to let this happen. I attended the man's funeral, half out of pity, half out of curiosity. At his funeral, there were many a sad fellow and lady, however I noticed one particularly interesting person, who had admitted to the crime. Slick_Rick had mentioned that he had killed Vito Rizzuto, for stealing his kill, presumably of Morty. At this point I had taken the liberty of figuring this mess out, my curiosity now overwhelming.

I spoke to Slick_Rick, asking him why he had chosen such rash actions over a situation that he seemed to know not much about. He told me that it was between Morty and him, and that Vito had stepped into a situation which he was not concerned in. He told me that he decided to take what he thought was the 'best course of action' despite that being to kill a family member without any notice. After a quick discussion, I mentioned how I didn't exactly know Vito, but I was the last person to technically see him alive, and with this he apologized once I had explained the situation.

This apology, it seems, did not go over particularly well, as he was found dead the next day. The killer is so far not public information, however.



Could the killer have been Cusack himself? While this fact remains unknown, no associate can ever expect to kill a Member of the Mafia and live. In the families, the Made Man is the protected species. In this case, retaliation was swift, an indication that Cusack runs a wild but enforceable mob.The troubles in Miami, although involving a lot less bodies, also involve internal disputes, more specifically with one-time Miami Capo Vincent. Vincent, believed to be a relative of the respected former Boss of Atlanta Donny_Belleti, was shot dead in the early morning of October 9th, bring a final end to his dispute with Miami Boss Faustino.

The source of this dispute isn't fully known, but a senior Miami insider indicated that he didn't know what was in the mind of their Capo but that his crimes included trying to engineer a move to LA by lying to his Boss and not speaking openly of his intentions. It later emerged that he wasn't satisifed with how the family was being run under Faustino. Vincent had apparently flourished under the leadership of Emiliano_Cortez but when the change was made at the top, he began to have his doubts. These doubts progressed to open dissatisfacton which made him make a move to LA, apparently intending to "take up an offer" that he'd received from LA Boss Zoolander.

He wasn't in LA long before he was tracked from one coast to another by Miami enforcer Juanita.She killed him with some shots from citizen, taking advantage of a corrupt police captain to ensure that the battle was quick and one-sided. Vincent had a reasonably sized funeral that among other people was attended by many ranked Mafia members including Juanita herself, CharlesCarter, Seraphino, Zoolander, Ezio, EllisHobbs and EvaLombadi. All present were believed photographed by the FBI who are still using this evidence to try to piece together the recent war. A telling absence from the funeral was Faustino himself. Whatever the problems of both families, they have both moved quickly to solve them.



THE MADE THAT TIME FORGOT/ THE FAMILY HEAD THAT TIME FORGOT
By Grim_Reaper

October 14th saw the death of a Made soldier that apparently was forgotton by all. King_Jeremy_The_Wicked worked for the now-defunct Mulholland crew out of LA and was finally executed on this day after a prolonged period of absence. The presence of his Mullholland tags in the obituaries was an obvious surprise for many and may have led some to wonder if he would have been a factor in the war with Las Vegas. His story is one we may never fully know.

Honourable mention must also go to Dallas Capo Blackspot. Having campaigned long and hard for a shot at running a family, including being vetted by Ezio and others, the big bettor and sometime gambling whizz stepped up to run Dallas and was shot dead with 15 minutes of his opening speech. With the killer unknown, it's speculated that the permission he received wasn't as guaranteed as he suspected.



MAN IN THE GAZETTE: MOBBYWOBBY
By JJ-Jameson

JJ-Jameson, while sitting in a diner and writing an article about himself in the third person, had the terrible misfortune to be accosted by Detroit mobster MobbyWobby. The latter smelled uncannily like a Spanish Brewery and cheap cigarettes and he button-holed the Co-Editor of the Mafia Gazette just as Jameson had thought up a witty punch-line:

"Well J Jonah Jameson. What do you think of that headlining story? The return of Mob Way?!"

This question was about a mail that MobbyWobby had sent to the Gazette earlier in the week, suggesting that we run his return to America as a lead story. Without wishing to be rude, we carefully filed his story in the bin. Now he was back and in the flesh. Jameson resisted the urge to let his eyes dart to the nearest exit and made a supreme effort to answer the question.

"I think it's.....erm...A puff piece. Not that we're beyond that sort of thing of course."

MobbyWobby laughed long and hard at this point for several seconds, until the laugh became a smokers cough that had him doubled up in what looked suspiciously like agony. When his cracked voice finally found time to respond in between the gasping breaths, he laughingly retorted:

"Ridiculous. This is quality news!! It is rare you will find a story like! It is like farmer finding a golden egg, but only not a farmer and a journalist instead!"

Jameson put his pen down.

"Alright, I'll indulge you, tell me more. And bear in mind that I'm reserving the right to put any of this firmly on the record."

MobbyWobby pulled up a chair.

"And the door is open..."

He rubbed his hands together.

"I was told by a friend that the country had fallen into a severe moral depression. The people in leadership positions were horrible role models and were destroying the entire population. These people being Joey Cusack and Charles Carter. So I returned to try to awaken the people and open their eyes to the failures of life that are Joey and Charles. There are more details of course. But this is the general overview."

Jameson looked brough his head up from out of his hands and tried to hide his despair. Then he lied like a pro.

"I understand completely. And so what is it about these people that you feel make them horrible role models?"

MobbyWobby warmed to the interview.

"Well, this is a difficult question to answer. I'll give you just some of the highlights on both. Joey wears women clothing, like kilts, with no underwear. He then wanders the streets flashing people. His cheeks are very pale and this is not a fun thing to see. He promises strangers delicious candies, then leads them to his house only to tell them it was a joke and he has no candies. I also have been told that he goes to the beach with the intent of killing seagulls. It can all be explained best in this conversation we had the other day:

Joey: Hi Mob. I love you so much and want you to be in my family.
Mob: Well, I hate you and think you are the epitome of evil, but okay.
(In my head I figured I would join the family to learn his weaknesses so I may one day free his family from his tyranny)
Joey: Yay! This is what I always wanted! I'll make you my Left Hand Man because I love you so much.
Mob: Erm.... Okay I guess. I'm not THAT happy being here but if you really want to...
J: I really do! I love you and your body so much!!
M:....... I think I might have made a mistake.
J:No! You're going to be my lovely LHM!
(He then proceeds to lead me into a room with no windows and a door that locks from the outside)
M: Joey. I think you may have certain assumptions about me that are wrong. Let me clarify things. 1, I am not attracted to you sexually. That is pretty much all I need to clear up.
J: WHAT? This is crazy! I have dreams about you. You will now be a simple worker in the family and join this subcrew (He says this pointing to a picture of what looks like Sloth from the Goonies)
M: What the hell? Why is he more qualified than me?
J: He likes my old man body.

Following this conversation he then invited Charles Carter to dinner. I'm pretty sure they ate human babies.Charles Carter has a piece of paper hanging in his office. It is a framed copy of the deal he signed with the devil. Other than this, as Rodrigo Thunderpants or LL Cool F could tell you, he is a poor musician and very very Swedish. His face looks very sub-average and he secretly wears large, very thick glasses. Upon my first day back in the country he mailed me death threats, claiming he would kill me. I was innocent. He is like a mosquito that bites people and passes cancer virus around."

At this point Jameson excused himself to go to the toilet. The astute observer would have noticed that he left certain things behind, such as twenty dollars to cover both his plate of steak and eggs and a reasonable tip for the hard-working serving wench. They might also have noticed that he took certain things with him that wouldn't necessarily accompany a person to the toilet, including his hat, coat and interview notes. As MobbyWobby sat chain-smoking English Ovals in the booth, Jameson made good his escape through a small back window. By the time MobbyWobby had run out into the street to scream his insane anger at passing cars, Jameson was already sat on the 11:05 (simply a coincidence) to Chicago with a smile.

We at the Gazette would like to thank MobbyWobby for his time.



PRANK PHONE CALLS
By Pissed-Off-Broad-Who-answers-the-phones-in-this-place

Just after ten in the morning Chicago time, the phone rang. The voice on the other end of the line said simply: "I have declared war." Unnerved, the usually reliable phone operator at the Gazette, assuming this was an unhappy mob reaction to yet another pack of lies written by Jameson and Hudgens and masquerading as a story, hung up.Her fears were stimulated primarily by concern that yet another fire-bomb would be thrown at the strong and sturdy doors of the Chicago offices of the paper. The last one had singed SidHudgens waistcoat while JJ-Jameson had lit his cigar off of the dying flames as they licked the door-frame. Journalism was a nasty business altogether.

Nothing more was heard until a letter arrived the next day. It was sent by LL-Cool-F and was a summary of apparent business negotiations between himself and the late CharlesCarter and it went as follows;

"Hullo CharlesCarter,
As you can see I am the new leader of NY. I am implementing a new policy that business holders in my city will be paying me a certain fee.
You hold a business in my city so please send me 500K every other day starting now."

This was an apparent shakedown of CharlesCarter that in form and style amused the personnel at the Gazette no end. The response from CharlesCarter was equally to the point;

"How about I shoot you and we move on with life"

It was at this point that we began to understand the war references, as Cool-F had responded;

"DEATH TO CHARLESCARTER!
I am mobilising my troops now"

We were never sent Carter's response to this threat and after reading some more, we gave up. Whatever was going on here was clearly beyond our powers of deduction. But the terror of the phones returned on October 7th at six in the morning when the phone rang and our night-shift operator answered. The man on the other end of the line was speaking with an obviously fake husky voice in an apparent imitation of CharlesCarter, as he said:

"Hi,

I'm CharlesCarter, leader of Chicago and submissive receiver of gay sex from Miami leader Faustino. We love to have prolonged unlubricated...."

At this point the operator put the phone onto her desk and blessed herself, returning it to her ear just in time to hear;

"whilst singing show tunes, wishing we were as good looking and cool as Aphex."

The operator hung up and evaluated her current job satisfaction when compared with her rates of pay. Two minutes later the phone rang again. It was Chicago Capo CharlesCarter.

"Apologies, my secretary got a bit...out of hand just there."

With absolutely no idea what perversions were at that moment taking place in the headquarters off the Chicago HQ, but while almost being able to smell the wooden mahogany, leather-bound books and perfume, our operator hung-up.



CURSE OF THE GAZETTE

October 14th saw a late night rant by Atlanta Goomba Criss_Angel. Amongst other things he said:

"You there. Do you think that 2 mafia family leaders dying in a war is big and needs to be printed in the papers?

*listens*

Wow, I guess the editors of the newspapers sure don't think so. I think that the editors and writers need to get their asses in gear and start writing papers. This is history here and nobody is documenting it. Are we going to be able to look back on what happened 10 years down the line? No. Why? Because nobody has the initiative to write papers anymore."

Aside from the fact that we've been working for more or less two weeks on all the stories from an outside the families perspective, we're glad to see that Criss_Angel was robbed, beaten and then thrown to the sharks. Though he did have a point about the fortnightly paper, the cut of his suit and in particular his long Hardy Boyz haircut offended us.



CLASSIFIEDS

Vito-Rizzuto wanted us to put an ad for this Detroit place in the paper. We missed this last edition. Now that he's dead and this will be absolutely no use at all to him, we're happy to make good on our original promise. Here it is Vito!

Crossroads in Detroit
A large, highly-decorated restaurant and bar with a stage that often has many performers. Not cheap, but worth the visit!



EDITORIAL

Just a quick editorial this week. First off an apology to the community as a whole. While it was never our intention to put out a daily paper, it certainly wasn't our intention to make a fortnightly one either. In some cases this is due to our own judgement. We'd rather wait and see something play out rather than go with something half-assed that misses the relevant issues and requires an immediate follow-up. In the case of this edition, we were ready to go to print when a tip-off came about a family takedown. We decided to wait it out and this saved us a time-consuming re-write as a result. I'm sure you'd agree with us in that we prefer to do a paper that is more killer than filler. Even opinion pieces are worth more than an obituary, Classifieds or horse trading sections, we'd rather do substance than stuff to make it look impressive. And we think the result is a paper that makes a great read on the toilet, which will suit Layercake no end.

On this note however, if you wish to offer us things for the classifieds or a horse trading section, we're down with that and would love to see your efforts. Also a big thank you to this edition's contributors (you know who you are) and those who defended us from recent criticism. While he was right about the delay between editions being somewhat annoying, he was totally wrong about us needing to get off our asses. We've worked hard and I hope you enjoy the fruit of our labours.

On another note, we were saddened as you all were to learn of the passing of Tom Tanzini, a true legend of this community and a real character. I'll personally miss him very much and if anyone wishes to write or contribute to an obituary to go along with the stickied OOC thread, we'll be more than happy to publish it. It has happened for other people from this community who have passed and I personally feel it would be fitting to do so.

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